Building from scratch is exhilarating!
I’ve spent so much time digging myself out of a hole — healing my traumas and those passed down to me… Tearing down every false part of myself and every wall I built out of fear or self preservation in the seasons where it was very much warranted… that now that I’ve cleared the ground, it’s like I’ve really only just begun.
Again, that’s exhilarating. It’s forcing me to relearn what life looks like as a healed woman. It’s forcing me to recalibrate and recreate a life of thriving where before I was merely surviving — I mean in the best kinda way though! Lol. The best I knew how.
God has given me a blank canvas… in fact, He granted me the power to create my own blank canvas. I keep mentioning this new season that I’m going into… one that’s sure to be SO glorious, but the truth be told, I’ve been feeling EVERY emotion, frfr!
I’ve reached another point of no return where I know everything in my life is about to change… for the better! I’ve been grieving what was, but I don’t miss it, nor do I want it back. I realize that going forward, I have no real point of reference for the things to come… They’re all truly NEW and that’s kinda scary. I can’t fathom how people do this without God, because real live, He’s the only reason I can feel so confident that all is well and will be well.
My guided journal comes out soon and there’s so much in me that knows it’s going to be life-changing. Afterall, it captures the journey and process that God used to change my life. I guess this is a moment when I’m feeling the weight and joy and anticipation of this well-known quote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
— Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles
That is absolutely exhilarating! Self-actualization after fighting for your life… MAN! I just know that God is going to use this journal to change lives… and in turn, my own life will be yet again CHANGED! If the journal helps even just one person, I will know with assurance that my journey to this point has not been in vain. In fact, I already know it just based on the conversations and experiences God has allowed me to have recently.
OH MY GOD! This is about to be the moment I’ve been preparing for… the first of many!
And again, it’s exhilarating! LET”S GO!
Decide you want to live differently.
This is simple, but important. Make an intentional decision that you want a different life & flow, and commit to the journey.
Start small.
Renew your mind with God’s Word.
Begin to implement small changes in your daily habits that release you from hustle & move you towards flow.
Ex. Don’t check your messages or emails first thing
More than likely, the world will continue to go ‘round if those messages wait until you’re awake and have spent time with God & yourself.
Sit with God & yourself to discover & define your ‘what’ and your ‘why’
Make any necessary changes to things that don’t align with this
Spend time with God daily & make an intentional effort to invite Him to impart His strength in the areas of your weakness.
Welcome Him to heal parts of you that may be prone to:
Anxiety
Overworking & overcompensating
People-pleasing
Seeking external validation or strictly bound to an outcome
Working to avoid ‘doing the work’ (growth & inner healing)
Tying your worth to your work & production
Let God teach you the rhythms of grace.
This may mean slowing down for a bit, but you will eventually return more fruitful, peaceful, and purposeful than before.
A poem inspired by 'Someone almost walked off wid alla my stuff.' by Ntozake Shange
Someone almost ran off with all of my stuff!
And I was so exhausted that I was just about ready to let them…
After a season of warfare & intense stretching, pruning, and shedding, ya girl was TIRED, okay! I just wanted to be loved, comforted, and supported… not cheered on to keep being strong.
Like, let me just lay here & be weak for a moment!
I was tempted to shrink back and leave a large part of me on the table thinking that’d make it easier for love & evenly yoked friendships to find me. But that’s the thing… inauthenticity can only last but for so long. Being crammed down in a small box gets old and uncomfortable REAL quick. & being loved for who you are when you ain’t really you feels icky!
But God… He sent people my way to un-tape the box I tried to put myself in, to grab my hand & pull me out… to put a steamer to my wrinkled clothes, to fluff my ‘fro & let me know it’s time to GO!
He sent people to revive me & to put a mirror to my face to remind me of who I REALLY am and to clear away the dust of what this intense journey almost crushed me into.
God reminded me that He is not a God of ‘either or’ but of ‘both and’.
He hadn’t brought me into this journey to strip away the good, true aspects of how He created me. He used this journey to strip away all that was not true or authentic, including weights & mindsets & limits that weren’t mine to carry.
It got a little touch & go there towards the end, but God is faithful… He sent people, my people, to ‘touch’ my shoulder & my heart, and to let me know, it’s time to GO!
God showed me that there are people assigned to the true me, her in all her fullness. People who wouldn’t dare ask me to shrink, who wouldn’t let me if I tried. Those who are called to meet me where I am and journey with me to where I’m going.. Who won’t make me feel guilty for going to higher heights, but instead inspire, intercede, and encourage me to get there.
Those who could be extensions of God’s love on earth, bringing the love, support, and comfort I desire as a person & especially as a woman… knowing that I’m strong and called to greatness, but creating space for me to be human & not always superhuman!
Like I said, God is a God of ‘both and’!
It’s a blessing to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and to know that God has said ‘yes’ — yes I can be the fullness of the woman He created me to be long ago and…
yes the promise is still the promise and…
yes there are people who see me & will journey with me, the true, renewed me on the pathway ahead.
So, long story long…
Someone almost ran off with all of my stuff…
And I was just about ready to let them, but my Father is faithful & wouldn’t let them get away with me nor what is mine by divine right.
Thank You, God for bringing me back to ME & sending my tribe along the way 💕
