God says:
"You are not 'her' anymore"
"You have grown & I have pruned you.
It is time to stop identifying with your past self.
You are not her anymore.
Gone are the days when you weigh your character by what you did or who you were back then.
I have made you NEW! It is time to begin to embrace this new identity FULLY.
You’re not “there” anymore. You are HERE & who you are is who I’ve molded you to be!
You will continue to grow from glory to glory, but from now on, no more looking back and judging who you are now based on your track record when you didn’t know to do better, when you didn’t recognize who you were.
You are who I’ve called you to be and you will continue to grow into her.
Embrace that today."
A couple months ago, God spoke these words to me about me.
He was trying to show me some things about my future and who I truly am in Him, but I wasn’t yet able to fully receive it, because I had yet to fully perceive who exactly He was talking to. God was speaking to who I am and who will be, but a part of me was trying to understand and identify with His plans, promises, and instructions from a place of who I used to be.
I believe the word God gave me also applies to many of you who have been in a season(s) of growth. When you've been on a journey of healing, growth, or transition, especially over a significant period of time, it can be hard to recognize that you've actually healed, reached a new level of growth, or transitioned. There's no such thing as "arriving" in general, because we should always be learning & growing, but there is such a thing as arriving at a new season... a new you.
Recognizing where and who you are now is so key, because if God speaks to us based on who we are yet to be, we can’t try to apply what God is saying to us based on old renditions of ourselves or seasons that have long passed. We also need to understand who and where we are now in order to navigate as such and to steward well over the current season. Having an outdated perspective of ourselves or our season can not only cause us to miss out on what God is doing, but also may cause us to make decisions based on factors of our former identity or reality that no longer exist. Stepping into a new you or a new season will often come with many changes (and even challenges), but the first key is to recognize that a change has occurred.
For today, I’ll focus on two of those changes / challenges — imposter syndrome and growing apart in friendships.
Imposter Syndrome.
Imposter syndrome occurs when a person constantly doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments, and more specifically, when they fear being found out to be a fraud, or imposter. On one hand, this is certainly a tactic of the enemy to keep us from stepping into the fullness of who we are and what we’ve been called to, or to keep us miserable while doing so. I talk more about this in our previous Overcoming Series, so check that out if that’s something you’ve been struggling with. On the other hand, though, imposter syndrome is a natural bi-product of not actually understanding who we are, in general or in a current season. Going back to what I mentioned earlier, if you have stepped into a new version of you, but are still wearing last season’s identity, you will naturally feel inadequate, because the former you was the one being prepared for what you are in now, but not yet the one who was equipped to walk in it.
For example, let’s say you’re a college student who just graduated and now you have a full-time job in your field. If you try to navigate from a place of still being a college student, you will certainly feel like you don’t belong, you aren’t qualified, you slipped through the cracks and got hired by accident, etc. However, upon realizing that you’ve studied to actually become an expert in your field and graduated from that stage of life, you can begin to walk with a bit more confidence. It does not mean that you may not still feel that there is much to be learned and a lot to adjust and grow into, because after all, you went from being the “big fish in a small pond” (ie. a senior & ‘master’ at doing the college thing) to kinda ‘starting over’ as a “small fish in the ocean” of the workforce. However, it does not make you an imposter. You’re coming equipped with everything you’ve learned and every part of you that you’ve developed so far. See that, embrace it, and stand on it! You have ‘leveled up’ and now need to grow into this next level. That takes time, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t qualified. Know that when you enter a new season or realize a new you, it’s new, so it will require some growing into, but don’t let that send you into an identity crisis. You’re not an imposter, you’re the real deal, so grow into this new level with confidence!
In the same way that the new you and your new season require growing into some things, it also usually includes a natural falling away of some things, like friendships, relationships, hobbies, etc. It happens. If the old you chose those things, people, activities, etc. or you chose them in/based on previous seasons, they may or may not align with the new you or your new season, and that’s okay. This isn’t a “the price has gone up” type conversation (lol @ those posts), but rather a conversation about alignment. While I don’t believe in cutting everybody off every five seconds, I do know that there is often a natural growing apart that can happen, specifically in friendships and I believe happens for many different reasons.
Growing Apart in Friendships.
One, as you grow, your interests, values, convictions, hobbies, etc. tend to develop and change, especially as you grow in the things of God and commit to submitting to His will for your life. Coming “out of the world” and “into Kingdom” can (and will) produce drastic changes in you and your life, so if your friends aren’t on a similar journey (and sometimes, even if they are), you will likely grow apart. This is not because you’re better or anything like that, because that’s prideful thinking. However, it’s natural to expect that if you built a friendship based on certain things, and those certain things are no longer a part of your life, unless new common ground is developed, there isn’t much left other than love and memories—and as great as those are, they don’t actually constitute grounds for a solid friendship. I think sometimes, we can conflate loyalty for friendship. There should be loyalty within a friendship, but loyalty alone does not constitute grounds for maintaining a friendship. For (a very basic) example, let’s say you built a friendship with someone based on your love for trying new steakhouses—I told y’all this example would be basic, but go along with me here. Lol. Well, you’re now a vegetarian and find that now, you and that friend don’t have much in common anymore. There will naturally be a growing apart that happens if the friendship wasn’t solidified based on other factors that are actually still a part of both of your lives. And sometimes, you may even find that it’s not just one or two things that have changed, but literally, your whole life has changed and you’re a completely different person, and now, y’all just don’t relate at all. That’s okay, too. It happens over time, especially with those who were seasonal companions, and not ordained for lifetime bonds.
That brings me to reason number two: if we were unhealed when we chose these friendships or simply lacked a revelation of who we are and who God has destined us to be, we may not have selected our friends wisely (or even actually “selected” them at all). As you begin to heal and/or come into knowledge of who you really are, you may find that your “picker” was off. 😬 This will also cause a natural growing apart, because you formed these bonds erroneously. This includes, but is not limited to, trauma bonds, one-sided friendships, friendships that you never vetted to begin with, unhealthy or toxic friendships, or even ones where you actually never had anything in common. As you step into the true you, and even more specifically for this example, as you heal and develop in wholeness, you may find that certain friendships can’t stay, because they never truly belonged in the first place.
Last reason I’ll mention is situational friendships. These are friendships that were built on things like proximity—you worked or went to school together, you were on a team together, went to the same church, etc. When the “situation” changes, these will grow apart for obvious reasons if the friendship wasn’t solidified further on a firmer foundation.
I’m sure there are many more reasons why this growing apart in friendships happens, but I’ll leave you with those. I don’t really have the answer for how to navigate the process of growing apart from friends, because to be honest, I’m still navigating that myself, but I do think it will be different in each case. The few things I will suggest are…
Understand that as uncomfortable or sad as it may be, this is a normal part of life and growth.
Know that growing apart does not diminish the value of what once was, nor does it diminish the love and care that is likely still there.
Ask God for guidance on which friendships you should maintain and which you should allow to fizzle out (or even intentionally end).
Nurture and grow with the friendships God says are meant to be in your life, but don’t try to force outdated friendships based on loyalty or longevity. (Refer back to #2)
Take time to grieve the breakdown of friendships you cherish(ed) if needed. Just because the alignment isn’t there anymore doesn’t mean it won’t still hurt to let go.
Ask God for guidance and key qualifiers in choosing new friendships and alliances. Also ask Him to help you grow and develop as a friend, so you’re equipped for these new friendships—it may require doing friendship differently.
When the time is right, intentionally make space in your heart and in your life for new, God-ordained friendships to develop.
Whew, this got a little longer than planned, but I pray this helps whoever needs it.
In conclusion, when you enter a new season, or become a new person, embrace it fully.
This will likely require asking God to open your eyes to how He sees you and what He says about your season, but this is necessary to navigate with confidence and authority, and to steward the season well. Know that it is NEW, so there will likely be some discomfort and stretching, but it is only because you’ve stepped into new territory. You may feel like you are starting over, because in many ways you are, but you are not starting from scratch. Your former ceiling has now become the ground of your next level.
Say it with me:
You have changed. Your season has changed.
Remind yourself as much as you need to until it sticks, “You are not ‘her’ anymore!”
And begin to walk into the ‘her’ you are today with confidence.
Love you bunches 💕
"So long, farewell, to you my friends... Goodbye, for now, until we meet again!"
Shout out to 'Out of the Box' for the tunes. (If you know, you KNOW! 😌)
Don't worry! TGOE is not disappearing... well, not totally!
I've FINALLY made the executive decision for TGOE to leave social media *big gasp* lol.
I say 'finally' because I haven't wanted to be on social media for a very long time; I just thought it was something that I had to do, but…
Certainly not God! In fact, I felt like He told me a couple months ago to step away from social media, but I had just released our merch line and I wanted to make sure I was hearing clearly. Nevertheless, the answer hasn't changed & I can't even pretend to be upset! 😬 Social media honestly hasn't been my thing for years now. I took a long hiatus a few years ago to focus on healing and actively enjoying real life, and once I returned, it was never the same. Not only has my life changed, but so has the scope of social media, and I honestly want no parts! 🙈
Though I deleted my personal Instagram a while ago, I kept my Facebook because I had moved to the other side of the country and I felt like it’d be the best way to “keep in touch” with people I know. However, I’m not sure it’s normal, healthy, or even realistically possible to keep up with that many people and take in so much content on a regular basis… Plus, is liking and commenting on photos really “keeping in touch?” Debatable! lol.
Originally, instead of just deleting altogether, I thought “well let me just clean up my friends list and unfollow some people on IG and maybe that’ll make it worth keeping.” It made it bearable and I do enjoy seeing photos of family and friends’ milestones and life events, but ultimately, I’d rather live life in 3-D and go back to meeting people in person, sending letters and photos in the mail, and talking on the phone, tbh… You know, actually engaging and not just keeping up with “engagement.” 🤷🏾♀️
But even with being sure of my decision to close my personal account, there were still different factors to consider for TGOE. For example, if we’re not on socials, how will people find out about us? Another big thing to consider was the fact that our blog and YouTube channel are home to more long-form content, so it has always felt a bit misleading and inauthentic to put up posts that are meant to cater to short-form content. It always made me question: am I really reaching the appropriate audience this way? 🤔
Finally, with us being a faith and wellness oasis, I’ve felt dissonance for a good while now with being on social media, knowing the negative effects it has on society and mental health, especially for children. Obviously, people will still continue to do and use what they want whether we do or not, but is that a space that I want people to have to go to find me? It's a no for me! That’s no shade to any other health and wellness page that shares their information via socials. We must all do what works for us, our target audience, and our ideal life and business style. There is much valuable wellness information to be found on social media, like good health facts, recipes, food swaps, exercises, etc. TGOE just won’t be amongst that number anymore, and we’ll either be forgotten or blossom authentically by word of mouth and discovery on our main platforms, the ones that truly reflect the essence of what TGOE is all about. I’m resting on the latter, but either way, I will continue to show up and follow God’s lead, whether we have one, one hundred, or one hundred thousand subscribers. ☺️
So, to get off my soapbox and make a long story long…
TGOE is leaving social media! We will leave our pages up on both IG & FB, so you can always check out our previous posts, but going forward, you can find us posted on our blog at thegardenofepiphani.com, our YouTube @TheGardenofEpiphani and our podcast under the same name.
I've kept our Instagram and Facebook this long, because I felt like that’s what I had to do in order to reach more people and be a Kingdom ambassador in a space with so many worldly influences. However, God never really said that social media specifically was a part of my call, commission, or assignment, and has given me the green light to disconnect. Halleluyer!
I know there are people God has called to spread His light in the darkness over there, but I'm super grateful to say that's not my calling, at least not in this season and hopefully not ever if I can help it. Lol. Nevertheless, His will be done, not mine. So, if you ever see us post on socials again in the future, it will most likely be because God told me to do so.
Before we wrap up, it is wellness Wednesday, so...
I’ll leave you with a couple quick tips for using social media more mindfully and healthily:
One:
I encourage you to ensure you are actively engaged in the moments that matter. Put your phone away when you are eating with others or engaged in conversation. Even resist the urge to fill all of your quiet alone time with mindless scrolling; instead, make sure you spend some quality time with yourself and God everyday!
Two:
Set boundaries for yourself! I love that iPhones will let you pur app time limits and even general screen time limits on your phone. It can help you to guard your time, or at the very least be mindful when your time is being sucked up by scrolling on social media. I’d also encourage you to review your average screen time use every week, at least in the beginning of this process. See where your time is going and determine if you are okay with that. If not, make modifications each week until you are where you want to be. Also, take regular social media breaks, whether it be for a week, a month, or even longer. There is a certain clarity that can only come and remain when you aren’t being bombarded with 10 million perspectives, ideas, and images every moment of the day!
Three:
Do a social media cleanup. This one may take some time and effort, and likely won’t be done in one setting if you’ve been on the platforms for a while. Unfollow people and pages that negatively impact your mental health, self-esteem, outlook on life, etc. or that go against your morals and values. You can do this by intentionally going into your list and disconnecting, or gradually disconnecting as things pop up. I will say, this definitely helped me to stay on social media as long as I did. Our TGOE timeline is filled with positive, beneficial health and wellness content, biblically-sound faith content, and a few business and personal pages that just add a little razzle dazzle! Lol. I say that to say, if you’re going to be on social media, you should at least make it a positive, beneficial experience. I hear that’s a little harder on platforms like Tik Tok, but do your best to proactively guard your eye and ear gates!
Four:
Make time to connect with the people you know personally and share news with them each individually before announcing it to the world online. Write letters, make phone calls, send personal videos, or even just a quick text. Keep in touch with those who matter most to you, and know that it’s okay not to share every detail of your life with everyone, even if that’s normalized in the world now. In fact, resist the urge to make every good moment or memory of your life content on social media, even if you are a content creator. Put the phone down and live sometimes… really, most times!
Five:
GET OFF THAT PHONE when you’re driving. Lol.
Laughing, but very serious! As boring as driving can get sometimes, you are actually operating heavy machinery that can harm or kill you or others, so that picture, post, or text can wait until you get to a red light or to your destination. Just had to throw that one in there, because the amount of people I see going 30 in a 60 or breaking every five seconds with nothing but time, space, and opportunity in front of them has gotten ridiculous, all because because they’re too engrossed in their phones! Don’t let that be you! And for you who just thought or said, "I can drive well and text" this is still for you! Don't do it! If it’s not worth pulling over for, it’s certainly not worth getting into an accident over.
Be safe out there, fam!
That’s the end of today’s episode! Thank you for listening. Please share this with your tribe, especially those you know may need to get a stronger, healthier handle on their social media use. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please give us a 5-star review on your favorite podcast platform or a thumbs up on YouTube.
You can also let me know in the comments:
Are you on social media? If so, how do you use it mindfully and healthily?
I look forward to hearing from you!
Until then, have a healthy and wholesome week, and I will chat with you on faith Friday, God willing! 💖
Epiphani
Happy Faith Friday, Garden Fam 🌸
It’s my birthday, so I’m coming with a candid conversation about some things God revealed to me about my walk with Him, specifically concerning heart posture and modifying sin in our lives. God desires our hearts above all else, and it is through our submission that He is able to work within us to empower us to do what pleases Him. Check it out and let me know in the comments, what areas of your life do you need to submit to God?
Love you bunches 🍇
Have a healthy & wholesome weekend!
Focus Scriptures
“But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.”
Hebrews 11:6
let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.
Hebrews 10:22
Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,
And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.
Psalm 51:6
And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Galatians 5:24-25
“This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the Lord: I will put My laws into their hearts, and in their minds I will write them,”
Hebrews 10:16
I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
Galatians 5:16