God says:
"You are not 'her' anymore"
"You have grown & I have pruned you.
It is time to stop identifying with your past self.
You are not her anymore.
Gone are the days when you weigh your character by what you did or who you were back then.
I have made you NEW! It is time to begin to embrace this new identity FULLY.
Youâre not âthereâ anymore. You are HERE & who you are is who Iâve molded you to be!
You will continue to grow from glory to glory, but from now on, no more looking back and judging who you are now based on your track record when you didnât know to do better, when you didnât recognize who you were.
You are who Iâve called you to be and you will continue to grow into her.
Embrace that today."
A couple months ago, God spoke these words to me about me.
He was trying to show me some things about my future and who I truly am in Him, but I wasnât yet able to fully receive it, because I had yet to fully perceive who exactly He was talking to. God was speaking to who I am and who will be, but a part of me was trying to understand and identify with His plans, promises, and instructions from a place of who I used to be.
I believe the word God gave me also applies to many of you who have been in a season(s) of growth. When you've been on a journey of healing, growth, or transition, especially over a significant period of time, it can be hard to recognize that you've actually healed, reached a new level of growth, or transitioned. There's no such thing as "arriving" in general, because we should always be learning & growing, but there is such a thing as arriving at a new season... a new you.
Recognizing where and who you are now is so key, because if God speaks to us based on who we are yet to be, we canât try to apply what God is saying to us based on old renditions of ourselves or seasons that have long passed. We also need to understand who and where we are now in order to navigate as such and to steward well over the current season. Having an outdated perspective of ourselves or our season can not only cause us to miss out on what God is doing, but also may cause us to make decisions based on factors of our former identity or reality that no longer exist. Stepping into a new you or a new season will often come with many changes (and even challenges), but the first key is to recognize that a change has occurred.
For today, Iâll focus on two of those changes / challenges â imposter syndrome and growing apart in friendships.
Imposter Syndrome.
Imposter syndrome occurs when a person constantly doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments, and more specifically, when they fear being found out to be a fraud, or imposter. On one hand, this is certainly a tactic of the enemy to keep us from stepping into the fullness of who we are and what weâve been called to, or to keep us miserable while doing so. I talk more about this in our previous Overcoming Series, so check that out if thatâs something youâve been struggling with. On the other hand, though, imposter syndrome is a natural bi-product of not actually understanding who we are, in general or in a current season. Going back to what I mentioned earlier, if you have stepped into a new version of you, but are still wearing last seasonâs identity, you will naturally feel inadequate, because the former you was the one being prepared for what you are in now, but not yet the one who was equipped to walk in it.
For example, letâs say youâre a college student who just graduated and now you have a full-time job in your field. If you try to navigate from a place of still being a college student, you will certainly feel like you donât belong, you arenât qualified, you slipped through the cracks and got hired by accident, etc. However, upon realizing that youâve studied to actually become an expert in your field and graduated from that stage of life, you can begin to walk with a bit more confidence. It does not mean that you may not still feel that there is much to be learned and a lot to adjust and grow into, because after all, you went from being the âbig fish in a small pondâ (ie. a senior & âmasterâ at doing the college thing) to kinda âstarting overâ as a âsmall fish in the oceanâ of the workforce. However, it does not make you an imposter. Youâre coming equipped with everything youâve learned and every part of you that youâve developed so far. See that, embrace it, and stand on it! You have âleveled upâ and now need to grow into this next level. That takes time, but it doesnât mean you arenât qualified. Know that when you enter a new season or realize a new you, itâs new, so it will require some growing into, but donât let that send you into an identity crisis. Youâre not an imposter, youâre the real deal, so grow into this new level with confidence!
In the same way that the new you and your new season require growing into some things, it also usually includes a natural falling away of some things, like friendships, relationships, hobbies, etc. It happens. If the old you chose those things, people, activities, etc. or you chose them in/based on previous seasons, they may or may not align with the new you or your new season, and thatâs okay. This isnât a âthe price has gone upâ type conversation (lol @ those posts), but rather a conversation about alignment. While I donât believe in cutting everybody off every five seconds, I do know that there is often a natural growing apart that can happen, specifically in friendships and I believe happens for many different reasons.
Growing Apart in Friendships.
One, as you grow, your interests, values, convictions, hobbies, etc. tend to develop and change, especially as you grow in the things of God and commit to submitting to His will for your life. Coming âout of the worldâ and âinto Kingdomâ can (and will) produce drastic changes in you and your life, so if your friends arenât on a similar journey (and sometimes, even if they are), you will likely grow apart. This is not because youâre better or anything like that, because thatâs prideful thinking. However, itâs natural to expect that if you built a friendship based on certain things, and those certain things are no longer a part of your life, unless new common ground is developed, there isnât much left other than love and memoriesâand as great as those are, they donât actually constitute grounds for a solid friendship. I think sometimes, we can conflate loyalty for friendship. There should be loyalty within a friendship, but loyalty alone does not constitute grounds for maintaining a friendship. For (a very basic) example, letâs say you built a friendship with someone based on your love for trying new steakhousesâI told yâall this example would be basic, but go along with me here. Lol. Well, youâre now a vegetarian and find that now, you and that friend donât have much in common anymore. There will naturally be a growing apart that happens if the friendship wasnât solidified based on other factors that are actually still a part of both of your lives. And sometimes, you may even find that itâs not just one or two things that have changed, but literally, your whole life has changed and youâre a completely different person, and now, yâall just donât relate at all. Thatâs okay, too. It happens over time, especially with those who were seasonal companions, and not ordained for lifetime bonds.
That brings me to reason number two: if we were unhealed when we chose these friendships or simply lacked a revelation of who we are and who God has destined us to be, we may not have selected our friends wisely (or even actually âselectedâ them at all). As you begin to heal and/or come into knowledge of who you really are, you may find that your âpickerâ was off. đŹ This will also cause a natural growing apart, because you formed these bonds erroneously. This includes, but is not limited to, trauma bonds, one-sided friendships, friendships that you never vetted to begin with, unhealthy or toxic friendships, or even ones where you actually never had anything in common. As you step into the true you, and even more specifically for this example, as you heal and develop in wholeness, you may find that certain friendships canât stay, because they never truly belonged in the first place.
Last reason Iâll mention is situational friendships. These are friendships that were built on things like proximityâyou worked or went to school together, you were on a team together, went to the same church, etc. When the âsituationâ changes, these will grow apart for obvious reasons if the friendship wasnât solidified further on a firmer foundation.
Iâm sure there are many more reasons why this growing apart in friendships happens, but Iâll leave you with those. I donât really have the answer for how to navigate the process of growing apart from friends, because to be honest, Iâm still navigating that myself, but I do think it will be different in each case. The few things I will suggest areâŠ
Understand that as uncomfortable or sad as it may be, this is a normal part of life and growth.
Know that growing apart does not diminish the value of what once was, nor does it diminish the love and care that is likely still there.
Ask God for guidance on which friendships you should maintain and which you should allow to fizzle out (or even intentionally end).
Nurture and grow with the friendships God says are meant to be in your life, but donât try to force outdated friendships based on loyalty or longevity. (Refer back to #2)
Take time to grieve the breakdown of friendships you cherish(ed) if needed. Just because the alignment isnât there anymore doesnât mean it wonât still hurt to let go.
Ask God for guidance and key qualifiers in choosing new friendships and alliances. Also ask Him to help you grow and develop as a friend, so youâre equipped for these new friendshipsâit may require doing friendship differently.
When the time is right, intentionally make space in your heart and in your life for new, God-ordained friendships to develop.
Whew, this got a little longer than planned, but I pray this helps whoever needs it.
In conclusion, when you enter a new season, or become a new person, embrace it fully.
This will likely require asking God to open your eyes to how He sees you and what He says about your season, but this is necessary to navigate with confidence and authority, and to steward the season well. Know that it is NEW, so there will likely be some discomfort and stretching, but it is only because youâve stepped into new territory. You may feel like you are starting over, because in many ways you are, but you are not starting from scratch. Your former ceiling has now become the ground of your next level.
Say it with me:
You have changed. Your season has changed.
Remind yourself as much as you need to until it sticks, âYou are not âherâ anymore!â
And begin to walk into the âherâ you are today with confidence.
Love you bunches đ
Epiphani
Letâs address our first subscriber request:
'Letting go and accepting Godâs will.â
Accepting Godâs will starts with a deep understanding that His desires towards you are goodâto prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope & a future (Jer. 29:11), Anything He is instructing you to do (or has said âyesâ or ânoâ to) is because He sees and knows all, from beginning to end, and like a parent, He wants the best for you. To be clear, Godâs ways are not our ways, so His version of "best" may not align with yours at first.
However, as you spend more time with Jesus and get to know God's character and His overall will for His children, His ways will become yours and He will give you the desires of your heart. In other words, as you continue to walk with Jesus daily and spend time with Him, if you make a commitment to submit to and be led by Him in all ways, you will begin to look, act, and think more like Himâafter all, we were made in His image. It is in intimacy with Jesus that we begin to gain insight into the Father's will for our lives, and from there, be led along the right path. It is from that place that our own desires begin to align with His.
This doesnât necessarily mean that youâll never have to let go or accept something based on what God wants for you, because you will likely have many more of these moments. However, it simply means that making the choice to let go or accept will become easier, because youâve made the choice to submit your life to Jesus overall, knowing that His way truly is the best way. This is also something you can pray for and ask the Holy Spirit to empower you to do: "Lord, please help me to see things as You do, and help me to trust in You, Your will, and Your plans for my life."
Iâm sure there are or have been specific situations where you are trying to let go or accept Godâs will, and thereâs nothing wrong with that. However, instead of focusing on forcing yourself to let go or accept that 'thing' whatever it may be, I encourage you to set that aside for now and focus more on cultivating a deeper understanding of who God is, embracing the fact that He is good in every sense of the word, and building faith and trust in Him as your Father and Lord. This all starts and grows with spending time with Himâreading His Word, spending time in prayer (whether speaking, thinking, or writing them), and spending time in worship (singing, dancing, giving thanks, etc.). As you grow in submission and intimacy with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, you will likely find that this process flows a lot more smoothly because you are being led by the Spirit more than you are fighting your desires. You may have been looking for a more âconcreteâ step-by-step answer to your current situation, but I believe it starts here. I pray this helps you along your journey!
You know I want to hear from you!
Respond in the comments below & let me know:
What helps you to accept Godâs will and to let go of what/who is not a part of His plans?
What has been the biggest challenge for you in this area and how did you overcome it?
I look forward to reading your responses.
For now, have a healthy & wholesome week đ
Love you bunches!
P.S. Check out this video for more insight on aligning with God's will for your life!
This is my version of what it looks like to trust God's plan for your life. It's an intentional (though not always easy) decision to rest in Him. đ
"So long, farewell, to you my friends... Goodbye, for now, until we meet again!"
Shout out to 'Out of the Box' for the tunes. (If you know, you KNOW! đ)
Don't worry! TGOE is not disappearing... well, not totally!
I've FINALLY made the executive decision for TGOE to leave social media *big gasp* lol.
I say 'finally' because I haven't wanted to be on social media for a very long time; I just thought it was something that I had to do, butâŠ
Certainly not God! In fact, I felt like He told me a couple months ago to step away from social media, but I had just released our merch line and I wanted to make sure I was hearing clearly. Nevertheless, the answer hasn't changed & I can't even pretend to be upset! đŹ Social media honestly hasn't been my thing for years now. I took a long hiatus a few years ago to focus on healing and actively enjoying real life, and once I returned, it was never the same. Not only has my life changed, but so has the scope of social media, and I honestly want no parts! đ
Though I deleted my personal Instagram a while ago, I kept my Facebook because I had moved to the other side of the country and I felt like itâd be the best way to âkeep in touchâ with people I know. However, Iâm not sure itâs normal, healthy, or even realistically possible to keep up with that many people and take in so much content on a regular basis⊠Plus, is liking and commenting on photos really âkeeping in touch?â Debatable! lol.
Originally, instead of just deleting altogether, I thought âwell let me just clean up my friends list and unfollow some people on IG and maybe thatâll make it worth keeping.â It made it bearable and I do enjoy seeing photos of family and friendsâ milestones and life events, but ultimately, Iâd rather live life in 3-D and go back to meeting people in person, sending letters and photos in the mail, and talking on the phone, tbh⊠You know, actually engaging and not just keeping up with âengagement.â đ€·đŸââïž
But even with being sure of my decision to close my personal account, there were still different factors to consider for TGOE. For example, if weâre not on socials, how will people find out about us? Another big thing to consider was the fact that our blog and YouTube channel are home to more long-form content, so it has always felt a bit misleading and inauthentic to put up posts that are meant to cater to short-form content. It always made me question: am I really reaching the appropriate audience this way? đ€
Finally, with us being a faith and wellness oasis, Iâve felt dissonance for a good while now with being on social media, knowing the negative effects it has on society and mental health, especially for children. Obviously, people will still continue to do and use what they want whether we do or not, but is that a space that I want people to have to go to find me? It's a no for me! Thatâs no shade to any other health and wellness page that shares their information via socials. We must all do what works for us, our target audience, and our ideal life and business style. There is much valuable wellness information to be found on social media, like good health facts, recipes, food swaps, exercises, etc. TGOE just wonât be amongst that number anymore, and weâll either be forgotten or blossom authentically by word of mouth and discovery on our main platforms, the ones that truly reflect the essence of what TGOE is all about. Iâm resting on the latter, but either way, I will continue to show up and follow Godâs lead, whether we have one, one hundred, or one hundred thousand subscribers. âșïž
So, to get off my soapbox and make a long story longâŠ
TGOE is leaving social media! We will leave our pages up on both IG & FB, so you can always check out our previous posts, but going forward, you can find us posted on our blog at thegardenofepiphani.com, our YouTube @TheGardenofEpiphani and our podcast under the same name.
I've kept our Instagram and Facebook this long, because I felt like thatâs what I had to do in order to reach more people and be a Kingdom ambassador in a space with so many worldly influences. However, God never really said that social media specifically was a part of my call, commission, or assignment, and has given me the green light to disconnect. Halleluyer!
I know there are people God has called to spread His light in the darkness over there, but I'm super grateful to say that's not my calling, at least not in this season and hopefully not ever if I can help it. Lol. Nevertheless, His will be done, not mine. So, if you ever see us post on socials again in the future, it will most likely be because God told me to do so.
Before we wrap up, it is wellness Wednesday, so...
Iâll leave you with a couple quick tips for using social media more mindfully and healthily:
One:
I encourage you to ensure you are actively engaged in the moments that matter. Put your phone away when you are eating with others or engaged in conversation. Even resist the urge to fill all of your quiet alone time with mindless scrolling; instead, make sure you spend some quality time with yourself and God everyday!
Two:
Set boundaries for yourself! I love that iPhones will let you pur app time limits and even general screen time limits on your phone. It can help you to guard your time, or at the very least be mindful when your time is being sucked up by scrolling on social media. Iâd also encourage you to review your average screen time use every week, at least in the beginning of this process. See where your time is going and determine if you are okay with that. If not, make modifications each week until you are where you want to be. Also, take regular social media breaks, whether it be for a week, a month, or even longer. There is a certain clarity that can only come and remain when you arenât being bombarded with 10 million perspectives, ideas, and images every moment of the day!
Three:
Do a social media cleanup. This one may take some time and effort, and likely wonât be done in one setting if youâve been on the platforms for a while. Unfollow people and pages that negatively impact your mental health, self-esteem, outlook on life, etc. or that go against your morals and values. You can do this by intentionally going into your list and disconnecting, or gradually disconnecting as things pop up. I will say, this definitely helped me to stay on social media as long as I did. Our TGOE timeline is filled with positive, beneficial health and wellness content, biblically-sound faith content, and a few business and personal pages that just add a little razzle dazzle! Lol. I say that to say, if youâre going to be on social media, you should at least make it a positive, beneficial experience. I hear thatâs a little harder on platforms like Tik Tok, but do your best to proactively guard your eye and ear gates!
Four:
Make time to connect with the people you know personally and share news with them each individually before announcing it to the world online. Write letters, make phone calls, send personal videos, or even just a quick text. Keep in touch with those who matter most to you, and know that itâs okay not to share every detail of your life with everyone, even if thatâs normalized in the world now. In fact, resist the urge to make every good moment or memory of your life content on social media, even if you are a content creator. Put the phone down and live sometimes⊠really, most times!
Five:
GET OFF THAT PHONE when youâre driving. Lol.
Laughing, but very serious! As boring as driving can get sometimes, you are actually operating heavy machinery that can harm or kill you or others, so that picture, post, or text can wait until you get to a red light or to your destination. Just had to throw that one in there, because the amount of people I see going 30 in a 60 or breaking every five seconds with nothing but time, space, and opportunity in front of them has gotten ridiculous, all because because theyâre too engrossed in their phones! Donât let that be you! And for you who just thought or said, "I can drive well and text" this is still for you! Don't do it! If itâs not worth pulling over for, itâs certainly not worth getting into an accident over.
Be safe out there, fam!
Thatâs the end of todayâs episode! Thank you for listening. Please share this with your tribe, especially those you know may need to get a stronger, healthier handle on their social media use. If you enjoyed todayâs episode, please give us a 5-star review on your favorite podcast platform or a thumbs up on YouTube.
You can also let me know in the comments:
Are you on social media? If so, how do you use it mindfully and healthily?
I look forward to hearing from you!
Until then, have a healthy and wholesome week, and I will chat with you on faith Friday, God willing! đ