Whoever chooses to be the bigger person usually grows to be the bigger person!
I’ma let y’all get a glimpse into one of my journal entries from this past week, no edits, no filter.
Can you say perspective shift?!
I was just thinking about the many times I’ve humbled myself and taken the brunt of responsibility and/or initiative for situations I really shouldn’t have had to. I wasn’t coming at it from a victim perspective, but just reflecting on some of the ways the enemy has used the same tactics over and over again against me, and how I’ve often responded to the person being used by being the peacemaker and examining myself, even when I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong…
Anyway, I realize though, that the quote above is true. The person on the other side who refuses to acknowledge their behavior, the part they played, or even their feelings and why they feel that way misses out on the growth that comes with stepping up in that way. The Bible says the humble will be exalted, so in a way, by not being willing to come off the high horse to approach the person they have a conflict with (in these cases that person been me), they miss out on the opportunity to humble themselves, which would have positioned them to be exalted.
Nevertheless, I thank God that He works all things out for my good, because I love Him and am called according to His purpose! I see how these situations have helped me to grow and even allowed me to be an example of His love in situations where I very well had the “right” to be ugly! I say “right” in quotations, because it still wouldn’t have been right in God’s sight, so thank you Jesus for the grace to respond gracefully & graciously!
To the person reading this…
Being the bigger person really does give you an opportunity to actually be a bigger person. I know all too well how it can feel like a hit to your ego to humble yourself and initiate conversations or reconciliation in certain situations, especially when you feel the other person really should be coming to you first, but ultimately, in doing so, you push yourself to grow and to become more Christ-like. As much as I love saying, “If it’s not directed, it’s not respected,” when it comes to initiating hard conversations, it very much does not reflect my actual approach. Why? Well, first of all, it’s not biblical. Jesus says in Matthew 5:23-24,
“This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God. Or say you’re out on the street and an old enemy accosts you. Don’t lose a minute. Make the first move; make things right with him. After all, if you leave the first move to him, knowing his track record, you’re likely to end up in court, maybe even jail. If that happens, you won’t get out without a stiff fine.”
I don’t always reference The Message version, but it doesn’t get anymore clearer than that right there! Not only is making the first move God’s standard for living (again, even if the other person is the one with the problem), but also, making the first move puts you at an advantage in many ways. One, you get to set the tone of the conversation, and ideally steer it in the direction of peace, while also minimizing room for (more) assumptions to be made. Two, as much as it may feel like you’re shrinking when you have to go ‘break the ice’, you actually get the opportunity to grow in character and in Godliness. The thing about it is, the other person, in being stubborn, fearful, or just simply unwilling to come to you first about the issue, misses out on a valuable opportunity to not only (hopefully) save the friendship/relationship, but also, to truly become a bigger person than they were before.
Before writing the journal entry above, I was tempted to kinda whine to God about how I feel like I always have to be the “bigger person,” and I felt Him check me and impart this truth to me: “You don’t have to be the bigger person, you get to be!” There are certain postures and attitudes that don’t lend themselves to growth. Some people may feel like they’re too good to make the first move, but in reality, we should feel that we are “too good” not to. Being Christ-like and having solid character means that we don’t “match energy.” We don’t wait for someone else to set the tone for how we will navigate conflicts. Instead, we stand tall and move with integrity. We set the standard… or really we honor the standard Jesus already set! Like I said, I understand how that initial moment of initiating a conversation or a peace treaty can make you feel small in the moment, but refusing to do so ultimately keeps you small. Choosing to be the bigger person ultimately makes you a bigger and better person. You can choose to be petty Patty or you can be like Jesus. The choice is yours, but as for me, I’ll continue to choose to go low, (ie. humble myself and make the first move), so I can actually fly high, constantly growing in character, integrity, and the likeness of Jesus!
What choice are you making, sis?
Calling God up like...
Last week, we talked about the importance of embracing the new you and your new season and being transformed by the renewing of your mind. These are both keys to receiving and walking in the freedom Jesus sacrificed for us to have so that we would be able to serve Him and the Kingdom of God fully. Though we touched on some of these topics a bit last week, I wanted to share the unique experience that often occurs after deliverance (& salvation) specifically, because I recognize that it is similar, but different from the normal process of growth.
Being set free from sin and demonic oppression literally lifts burdens off of you that were never meant to be there, but may have settled in as “normal” over time. As such, being set free will uncover parts of you that were hidden or suppressed, and God will restore parts of you that were cut off or blocked from blooming. As we are delivered, we will likely need to get to know ourselves all over again. This does not mean that we’re starting from scratch, but rather that we will likely need to go through a process with Jesus and ourselves to relearn who we truly are.
Once we’ve been set free, we must come to Jesus and ask Him, who am I, really? What parts of me were really me? What parts weren’t? Some things will naturally go away because they were literally tied to the demonic influence you were under, but there are also nuanced parts of what you’ve thought to be your personality that may not actually be a part of who you are.
In addition to learning your true identity in freedom, there may be a re-creation or reshaping of your interests, likes, dislikes, etc. What does this new you like now that she’s free? How does she spend her time outside of her time with God or working on assignments? How does she dress? You don’t have to attack all of this by just sitting down one time and mapping it out. Instead, allow yourself the freedom to curiously and adventurously find out!
You will most likely find that your destiny changes. To be clear, from God’s perspective, it’s always been the same, but now, your eyes will be opened to see it with more clarity. What you thought you were supposed to be doing with your life may not actually be aligned with God’s true, perfect plan for your life. His plan is likely bigger and definitely better, hence why you needed to be FREE to see, pursue, and walk in it. This may mean dramatic changes if you were far off course before, or could be minor track changes if you just wandered off the path a little. Either way, allow the Holy Spirit to redirect you and be willing to let go of anything He shows you isn’t a part of your destiny. Also, be willing to embrace what He shows you IS a part of God’s plan for your life!
Finally, (though I’m sure there’s more that could be said), you may realize that the relationships you were in only made sense with the you that was in bondage. It doesn’t mean that everyone is bad or you are better, but similar to what we talked about last week, if you chose most of your friends, acquaintances, and even romantic relationship while you were under the influence or oppression of a demonic spirit, it very well may be that the true you, who is now free, has little to nothing in common with those you chose before you were set free. Again, this is not one of those, “I’m moving up in life and leaving y’all behind” points, but rather to say that you may not relate to them anymore, but also, they may not relate to you, the true you, and that is okay. You’re literally a new person, so you may not even be their cup of tea anymore or vice versa, and that’s okay, too. And even if you are being tolerated for history’s sake, there’s a strong possibility that true acceptance and deep connection may not be there anymore, and that’s okay.
This is not a post where I’m here to give you the steps for how to navigate these changes, because tbh, I’m still navigating some of it myself. However, I just want to let someone know that what you are experiencing right now post deliverance, the learning who you are all over again and the reshaping of your life and interests, the shifting of your relationships… it’s normal. Spend time with Jesus and let Him relay to you who you are and also, spend time exploring the new you.
Love you bunches! 💕
P.S. You may also see that you have ‘new’ spiritual gifts. They may have been there all along, but have only had a chance to surface now that the oppression has been lifted. This is another area to discuss and explore with the Holy Spirit and seek His Will for how He wants you to use them! 💛
And then, the TRUE you emerges like...
Epiphani
Let’s address our first subscriber request:
'Letting go and accepting God’s will.’
Accepting God’s will starts with a deep understanding that His desires towards you are good—to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope & a future (Jer. 29:11), Anything He is instructing you to do (or has said ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to) is because He sees and knows all, from beginning to end, and like a parent, He wants the best for you. To be clear, God’s ways are not our ways, so His version of "best" may not align with yours at first.
However, as you spend more time with Jesus and get to know God's character and His overall will for His children, His ways will become yours and He will give you the desires of your heart. In other words, as you continue to walk with Jesus daily and spend time with Him, if you make a commitment to submit to and be led by Him in all ways, you will begin to look, act, and think more like Him—after all, we were made in His image. It is in intimacy with Jesus that we begin to gain insight into the Father's will for our lives, and from there, be led along the right path. It is from that place that our own desires begin to align with His.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll never have to let go or accept something based on what God wants for you, because you will likely have many more of these moments. However, it simply means that making the choice to let go or accept will become easier, because you’ve made the choice to submit your life to Jesus overall, knowing that His way truly is the best way. This is also something you can pray for and ask the Holy Spirit to empower you to do: "Lord, please help me to see things as You do, and help me to trust in You, Your will, and Your plans for my life."
I’m sure there are or have been specific situations where you are trying to let go or accept God’s will, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, instead of focusing on forcing yourself to let go or accept that 'thing' whatever it may be, I encourage you to set that aside for now and focus more on cultivating a deeper understanding of who God is, embracing the fact that He is good in every sense of the word, and building faith and trust in Him as your Father and Lord. This all starts and grows with spending time with Him—reading His Word, spending time in prayer (whether speaking, thinking, or writing them), and spending time in worship (singing, dancing, giving thanks, etc.). As you grow in submission and intimacy with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, you will likely find that this process flows a lot more smoothly because you are being led by the Spirit more than you are fighting your desires. You may have been looking for a more “concrete” step-by-step answer to your current situation, but I believe it starts here. I pray this helps you along your journey!
You know I want to hear from you!
Respond in the comments below & let me know:
What helps you to accept God’s will and to let go of what/who is not a part of His plans?
What has been the biggest challenge for you in this area and how did you overcome it?
I look forward to reading your responses.
For now, have a healthy & wholesome week 💖
Love you bunches!
P.S. Check out this video for more insight on aligning with God's will for your life!
This is my version of what it looks like to trust God's plan for your life. It's an intentional (though not always easy) decision to rest in Him. 😌