Choosing to pursue a healthier me was one of the best decisions I ever made. It increased my satisfaction with life, grew my empowerment to advocate for myself, strengthened my ability to dream big and pursue those dreams, improved my interactions with others, and so much more. I’ve been on this journey for a little while now, especially as it pertains to mental and emotional wellness, and though I never thought it would be easy, there are a few things that I totally did not expect to experience along the way.
Check out this week's video to learn more about 5 of the things I didn’t expect to be a part of my healing journey and how I’ve been addressing them along the way.
Here’s to continuing to seek & embrace the most healthy, happy, & whole versions of ourselves, while also remembering that we are already wonderful and worthy of the things we need & desire! Enjoy this week's video and let me know if you've experienced any of these things or any others along your healing and mental health journey.
Until next time, have a healthy and wholesome week! 😽💨💖
Want to connect with us? Find us via…
💖 Email @ epiphani@thegardenofepiphani.com
💖 YouTube @ The Garden of Epiphani
💖 Instagram @TheGardenofEpiphani
💖 Facebook @The Garden of Epiphani
Happy Wellness Wednesday, Garden Fam!
It’s been a little minute since we chatted and I definitely missed you guys!
As you know, May was Mental Health Awareness Month, and though mental health is always one of my top priorities, I decided to take a break to focus more intently on my mental health and wellness. Life definitely got a bit more challenging right as I decided to embark on this journey, but I’m still so glad I did. I spent time revamping old routines and starting a few new ones, and implementing intentional practices like taking a break from social media and regulating my sleep schedule.
Mental Health Awareness Month may be over, but our mental health affects every aspect of our lives, so it is important to make pursuing and maintaining a healthy mental space a priority year-round. This means incorporating intentional habits, practices, and lifestyle changes that help us to feel and show up as our best selves on a regular basis. We don’t have to wait until something is “wrong” to go to therapy or try something new to better our mental health.
Not sure where to start? Here are a few simple things you can do to improve and maintain your mental health. Please keep in mind that I am not a mental health professional and that these are just tools and strategies that I’ve come across throughout my journey through research, trial and error, my therapist, or personal experience.
SLEEP!
Do your best to get 6-9 hours of [quality] sleep nightly. For best results, consider:
Getting into a routine of going to sleep and waking up at the same time every day
This will help to regulate your sleep pattern.
Sleeping with the lights & tv off
The light disrupts the melatonin our bodies normally produce to aid with sleep which leads to lower quality sleep.
Winding down 30 mins before bed to prepare for good sleep
Try putting your phone away early
Read a book
Listen to soothing music
Pray or meditate
Something else of your choosing
Connect with others
It can be tempting to isolate during hard times, seasons of change, or times when we find ourselves overwhelmed, but these are often times when it would be beneficial to lean into community for support and connection. In hard times and in good times, you can make it a regular practice to connect with…
Loved ones
Your friends and family who know you, love you, want the best for you, and allow you to be you
Community
Neighborhood
With many of us working from home, we can all benefit from saying hello and making contact with those who live around us, even if just for a moment
Religious Community
Regardless of what religion you practice, it can be helpful and encouraging to connect with people who share similar beliefs to fellowship around how to apply those beliefs in life.
Hobby or Interest Based Community
Find groups, clubs, and spaces that cater to something you are interested in. This is a great way to do something you love and to meet new friends with similar interests.
Journaling
Journaling is a great way to get the thoughts and emotions out of your head and onto paper (or another digital form). It is not only beneficial for clearing your mind or clarifying your thoughts and emotions in a moment, but also, it can be a great way to reflect on your progress as you grow and overcome obstacles. You can reread or listen to previous passages as a reminder of how far you’ve come or even just to compare how you once thought about things to how you think about them now. Choose your favorite way to journal or try a mix of all three:
Written
Digital – Use a word document or the notes on your phone
By Hand – Go old school with a pen and paper
Oral
Voice notes – Find it easier to talk it out? Record yourself using a voice memo
Cannabis
Cannabis can be a great tool for some in helping to regulate or support their mental health. Different forms and strains affect people differently, so you may need to experiment to find what works for you. It is important to note that cannabis should be used as a tool to help rebalance your system so that you are better equipped to address your mental health concerns, and not as a way to avoid them altogether. Find what works for you and remember to start with the lowest dose.
CBD
Can be taken as a daily supplement to help regulate mood and focus and/or as needed to help with anxiety, focus, sleep, and a myriad of other symptoms and conditions.
THC
Can be helpful with anxiety and depression depending on strain. Can also help with sleep and alleviate inflammation that may come from stress.
Minding your intake
What are you ingesting? How is this impacting your thoughts, mood, etc.? This can relate to so many things, such as
Social Media
There are so many different things going on at once on social media. Depending on who you follow, scrolling may take you through a myriad of different emotions and/or cause you to think about things that may not have been on your mind otherwise. Be careful and do your best to limit your time and to mind who you follow. Take breaks and unfollow or mute accounts as needed to protect your mental and emotional health.
For example, if you have an iPhone, you can set this up and it will remind you when your time is almost up and lock the app once you’ve reached your limit.
Music
The music you listen to can affect your mood and how you think about certain things. Even if you are “just listening for the beat” you are still hearing the words, which when heard enough, may become a part of your thoughts or belief system.
For example, when I started my self-love journey, I decided to minimize listening to music that degrades women so that I could refresh my thoughts about myself as a woman.
TV
Seeing and listening to what happens on TV can definitely impact your mood and how you think about certain topics and scenarios, whether good or bad. Though we like what we like, it can be beneficial to be mindful of the types of shows, movies, and even YouTube videos we are watching and how they fit into the intentions we have for ourselves.
For example, if you are someone who has trust issues, it may be helpful to minimize your intake of shows like Basketball Wives or Love & Hip Hop where betrayal in friendships and romantic relationships is normal content.
News
This one is nearly self-explanatory at this point, but be mindful of how much news you are taking in. The news today is often heavy or politically charged and can definitely impact your mood or your stance on various issues. If you are someone who likes to remain aware of what is going on in the world, keep in mind that you can’t possibly stay abreast of every single story, and that perhaps you shouldn’t. Be mindful of moments when you feel your mood shifting after absorbing too much information, especially when the news is awful. Unless you’re a superhero who can come to the rescue in these situations, it is perfectly okay to unplug sometimes (and maybe more often than not).
Food
Gut health definitely impacts mental health, so it is super important to be mindful of the food we put into our bodies. Probiotics, whole grains, leafy greens, beans, and lean proteins are a few foods that can be super beneficial to maintaining a good mental health space.
For example, lean proteins help to maintain balanced levels of Serotonin, a hormone that plays a role in regulating mood and sleep, amongst many other processes.
If you are just getting started on this journey, I recommend trying one suggestion at a time and giving yourself time to embrace the new practice and your body a chance to adjust before trying another new thing. This is not an exhaustive list at all, so if you find that something else works for you, add it to your toolkit and use it! If the state of your mental health is too much to bear or remedy alone, or if you are struggling to implement changes on your own, don’t hesitate to seek the help of a licensed mental health professional. They are an unbiased party who is equipped with tools and expertise that can meet you where you are and help you along your journey. Don’t knock it until you try it; therapy can do wonders!
I hope this week’s blog helps you to find small ways to impact your mental health in a big way. Please feel free to share what’s working for you or to ask any questions you may have about the suggestions above.
Until next time, have a healthy & wholesome week! 🌬💕
P.S. Check out this week’s video, 5 Things I Didn't Expect Along My Healing Journey if you haven’t already.
Want to connect with us? Find us via…
💖 Email @ epiphani@thegardenofepiphani.com
💖 YouTube @ The Garden of Epiphani
💖 Instagram @TheGardenofEpiphani
💖 Facebook @The Garden of Epiphani
Disclaimer
I am here to empower you to take charge of your health and wellness journey, and to equip you with knowledge and information to help you be successful. I am simply a peer who has done the research so you don’t have to, but I am NOT a licensed medical professional and TGOE is NOT meant to prevent, diagnose, treat, or cure any disease, nor is it designed to replace advice you receive from your healthcare provider. Please be sure to do your own follow up research and/or work with your trusted medical personnel before making any major changes. 💕
I’m turning 28 tomorrow, and well, it’s about time that I officially laid the ‘cool girl’ to rest.
What is a cool girl? I’m glad you asked!
“She’s a Cool girl. Cool girl is hot. Cool girl is game. Cool girl is fun. Cool girl never gets angry…” – Amy Dunne in the movie, Gone Girl
Essentially, a “cool girl” is one who lacks boundaries. She never gets upset. She’s always quick to forgive AND forget. She has little to no standards, or at least avoids expressing them. She’s like “oh, you want that? Well, I want that, too!” even when it’s a lie! She molds and melts parts of herself to be palatable for those around her, dulling her sharpest edges, and watering down her most pungent thoughts and feelings. She prides herself on being easy-going, even when the going isn’t actually easy for her! Often, ‘cool girl’ is used to represent a girl who is basically ‘one of the guys’ when it comes to dating and relationships with men; she likes what he likes, or pretends to, and is often praised for “not being like the other girls.” (What in the misogyny… lol) But for me, and I’m sure many others as well, the ‘cool girl’ trope doesn’t end with relationships with men. Nope… She tiptoes around friendships and family relationships, never ruffling feathers or holding people accountable. It’s always ‘fine’ and she never has any less-than-ideal feelings, at least none she shares anyway…
Somehow, she’s come to believe that this makes her more desirable, more lovable, easier to deal with, etc. And maybe, with some people, it has, but it all comes at a cost, because deep down, there are unexpressed feelings and thoughts that she’s gaslighted herself into suppressing, ignoring, or pretending not to exist. People compliment her for how calm and level-headed she is or for how much grace she extends, which causes a bit of inner conflict, because she wonders if those same people–romantic partners, friends, family members, etc–would stick around and still feel the same way about her if she ever decided to actually speak up for herself, or hold others accountable for their BS. She knows she’s not okay with certain things, she knows she wants more, she knows she doesn’t want to smile and say ‘it’s okay’ when it’s really not, but she doesn’t want to be labeled as difficult, or sometimes, to risk losing the relationship or opportunity. And to add fuel to the fire, being a Black woman, there’s also the pressure to not be labeled as ‘angry’, even when 1) she has every right to be and/or 2) she articulates her feelings in a cool, well-thought-out way that should be labeled as anything but.
But the problem with being the ‘cool girl’ is that she is being loved, adored, and celebrated for essentially being someone she is not, and is often getting the short end of the stick from her relationships, because she doesn’t express her desires, needs, boundaries, or standards. She can’t get what it is that she truly desires, because she’s too busy pretending she doesn’t want it, and therefore, she won’t speak up and advocate for it. It’s kind of a lose-lose situation. It’s a form of people-pleasing that robs her of who she truly is and from experiencing the fullness of life and meaningful, authentic relationships. She can never truly accept love and compliments, because they are often based on a watered down facade of herself, not the real her. So, what would happen if she decided enough was enough? That she was tired of playing the safe, quiet, go-with-the-flow girl in relationships and started just being herself, a woman with standards and boundaries who speaks up for herself, says ‘no’ when needed, and remains true to her convictions, even when they may ruffle a few feathers along the way?
Well, I can tell you, I’m surely about to find out! Technically, this journey has already started, and I won’t lie to you, there are some people who could only handle you as the ‘cool girl’ and won’t be willing or able to stick around for the ‘outspoken woman’. But the blessing in that is learning that perhaps, your paths and personalities were never aligned to begin with, and that those who are meant to stick around and show up for you will do so, even when it means you’re expecting more than the scraps you tolerated before. In fact, my most aligned relationships have applauded me and embraced me even more for regaining my backbone and speaking up for myself, even when it meant having difficult conversations with them. I’ve come to a point where I don’t want to be loved for a less authentic version of myself, or one where I can’t have feelings (positive or negative), desires, or needs. I know that I have a lot to offer in friendships, romantic partnerships, and familial bonds, so I’ve been reminding myself that it’s more than okay to expect reciprocity. It's okay for me to expect that I can display all facets of myself, even the parts that may make others a little uncomfortable at times.
As Dr. Suess would say, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
Thank you to the ‘cool girl’ in me. You got me this far and kept me safe for a time, but now I must lay you to rest!
Cheers to twenty-eight, the year of the outspoken woman! 🥳🥂