Whoever chooses to be the bigger person usually grows to be the bigger person!
I’ma let y’all get a glimpse into one of my journal entries from this past week, no edits, no filter.
Can you say perspective shift?!
I was just thinking about the many times I’ve humbled myself and taken the brunt of responsibility and/or initiative for situations I really shouldn’t have had to. I wasn’t coming at it from a victim perspective, but just reflecting on some of the ways the enemy has used the same tactics over and over again against me, and how I’ve often responded to the person being used by being the peacemaker and examining myself, even when I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong…
Anyway, I realize though, that the quote above is true. The person on the other side who refuses to acknowledge their behavior, the part they played, or even their feelings and why they feel that way misses out on the growth that comes with stepping up in that way. The Bible says the humble will be exalted, so in a way, by not being willing to come off the high horse to approach the person they have a conflict with (in these cases that person been me), they miss out on the opportunity to humble themselves, which would have positioned them to be exalted.
Nevertheless, I thank God that He works all things out for my good, because I love Him and am called according to His purpose! I see how these situations have helped me to grow and even allowed me to be an example of His love in situations where I very well had the “right” to be ugly! I say “right” in quotations, because it still wouldn’t have been right in God’s sight, so thank you Jesus for the grace to respond gracefully & graciously!
To the person reading this…
Being the bigger person really does give you an opportunity to actually be a bigger person. I know all too well how it can feel like a hit to your ego to humble yourself and initiate conversations or reconciliation in certain situations, especially when you feel the other person really should be coming to you first, but ultimately, in doing so, you push yourself to grow and to become more Christ-like. As much as I love saying, “If it’s not directed, it’s not respected,” when it comes to initiating hard conversations, it very much does not reflect my actual approach. Why? Well, first of all, it’s not biblical. Jesus says in Matthew 5:23-24,
“This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God. Or say you’re out on the street and an old enemy accosts you. Don’t lose a minute. Make the first move; make things right with him. After all, if you leave the first move to him, knowing his track record, you’re likely to end up in court, maybe even jail. If that happens, you won’t get out without a stiff fine.”
I don’t always reference The Message version, but it doesn’t get anymore clearer than that right there! Not only is making the first move God’s standard for living (again, even if the other person is the one with the problem), but also, making the first move puts you at an advantage in many ways. One, you get to set the tone of the conversation, and ideally steer it in the direction of peace, while also minimizing room for (more) assumptions to be made. Two, as much as it may feel like you’re shrinking when you have to go ‘break the ice’, you actually get the opportunity to grow in character and in Godliness. The thing about it is, the other person, in being stubborn, fearful, or just simply unwilling to come to you first about the issue, misses out on a valuable opportunity to not only (hopefully) save the friendship/relationship, but also, to truly become a bigger person than they were before.
Before writing the journal entry above, I was tempted to kinda whine to God about how I feel like I always have to be the “bigger person,” and I felt Him check me and impart this truth to me: “You don’t have to be the bigger person, you get to be!” There are certain postures and attitudes that don’t lend themselves to growth. Some people may feel like they’re too good to make the first move, but in reality, we should feel that we are “too good” not to. Being Christ-like and having solid character means that we don’t “match energy.” We don’t wait for someone else to set the tone for how we will navigate conflicts. Instead, we stand tall and move with integrity. We set the standard… or really we honor the standard Jesus already set! Like I said, I understand how that initial moment of initiating a conversation or a peace treaty can make you feel small in the moment, but refusing to do so ultimately keeps you small. Choosing to be the bigger person ultimately makes you a bigger and better person. You can choose to be petty Patty or you can be like Jesus. The choice is yours, but as for me, I’ll continue to choose to go low, (ie. humble myself and make the first move), so I can actually fly high, constantly growing in character, integrity, and the likeness of Jesus!
What choice are you making, sis?
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