Building from scratch is exhilarating!
I’ve spent so much time digging myself out of a hole — healing my traumas and those passed down to me… Tearing down every false part of myself and every wall I built out of fear or self preservation in the seasons where it was very much warranted… that now that I’ve cleared the ground, it’s like I’ve really only just begun.
Again, that’s exhilarating. It’s forcing me to relearn what life looks like as a healed woman. It’s forcing me to recalibrate and recreate a life of thriving where before I was merely surviving — I mean in the best kinda way though! Lol. The best I knew how.
God has given me a blank canvas… in fact, He granted me the power to create my own blank canvas. I keep mentioning this new season that I’m going into… one that’s sure to be SO glorious, but the truth be told, I’ve been feeling EVERY emotion, frfr!
I’ve reached another point of no return where I know everything in my life is about to change… for the better! I’ve been grieving what was, but I don’t miss it, nor do I want it back. I realize that going forward, I have no real point of reference for the things to come… They’re all truly NEW and that’s kinda scary. I can’t fathom how people do this without God, because real live, He’s the only reason I can feel so confident that all is well and will be well.
My guided journal comes out soon and there’s so much in me that knows it’s going to be life-changing. Afterall, it captures the journey and process that God used to change my life. I guess this is a moment when I’m feeling the weight and joy and anticipation of this well-known quote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
— Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles
That is absolutely exhilarating! Self-actualization after fighting for your life… MAN! I just know that God is going to use this journal to change lives… and in turn, my own life will be yet again CHANGED! If the journal helps even just one person, I will know with assurance that my journey to this point has not been in vain. In fact, I already know it just based on the conversations and experiences God has allowed me to have recently.
OH MY GOD! This is about to be the moment I’ve been preparing for… the first of many!
And again, it’s exhilarating! LET”S GO!
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