You're Not 'Her' Anymore | Embracing the New You & Your New Season 💕

God says:

"You are not 'her' anymore"

"You have grown & I have pruned you.

It is time to stop identifying with your past self.

You are not her anymore.

Gone are the days when you weigh your character by what you did or who you were back then.

I have made you NEW! It is time to begin to embrace this new identity FULLY.

You’re not “there” anymore. You are HERE & who you are is who I’ve molded you to be!

You will continue to grow from glory to glory, but from now on, no more looking back and judging who you are now based on your track record when you didn’t know to do better, when you didn’t recognize who you were.

You are who I’ve called you to be and you will continue to grow into her.

Embrace that today."

A couple months ago, God spoke these words to me about me.

He was trying to show me some things about my future and who I truly am in Him, but I wasn’t yet able to fully receive it, because I had yet to fully perceive who exactly He was talking to. God was speaking to who I am and who will be, but a part of me was trying to understand and identify with His plans, promises, and instructions from a place of who I used to be.

I believe the word God gave me also applies to many of you who have been in a season(s) of growth. When you've been on a journey of healing, growth, or transition, especially over a significant period of time, it can be hard to recognize that you've actually healed, reached a new level of growth, or transitioned. There's no such thing as "arriving" in general, because we should always be learning & growing, but there is such a thing as arriving at a new season... a new you.

Recognizing where and who you are now is so key, because if God speaks to us based on who we are yet to be, we can’t try to apply what God is saying to us based on old renditions of ourselves or seasons that have long passed. We also need to understand who and where we are now in order to navigate as such and to steward well over the current season. Having an outdated perspective of ourselves or our season can not only cause us to miss out on what God is doing, but also may cause us to make decisions based on factors of our former identity or reality that no longer exist. Stepping into a new you or a new season will often come with many changes (and even challenges), but the first key is to recognize that a change has occurred.

For today, I’ll focus on two of those changes / challenges — imposter syndrome and growing apart in friendships.

Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter syndrome occurs when a person constantly doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments, and more specifically, when they fear being found out to be a fraud, or imposter. On one hand, this is certainly a tactic of the enemy to keep us from stepping into the fullness of who we are and what we’ve been called to, or to keep us miserable while doing so. I talk more about this in our previous Overcoming Series, so check that out if that’s something you’ve been struggling with. On the other hand, though, imposter syndrome is a natural bi-product of not actually understanding who we are, in general or in a current season. Going back to what I mentioned earlier, if you have stepped into a new version of you, but are still wearing last season’s identity, you will naturally feel inadequate, because the former you was the one being prepared for what you are in now, but not yet the one who was equipped to walk in it.

For example, let’s say you’re a college student who just graduated and now you have a full-time job in your field. If you try to navigate from a place of still being a college student, you will certainly feel like you don’t belong, you aren’t qualified, you slipped through the cracks and got hired by accident, etc. However, upon realizing that you’ve studied to actually become an expert in your field and graduated from that stage of life, you can begin to walk with a bit more confidence. It does not mean that you may not still feel that there is much to be learned and a lot to adjust and grow into, because after all, you went from being the “big fish in a small pond” (ie. a senior & ‘master’ at doing the college thing) to kinda ‘starting over’ as a “small fish in the ocean” of the workforce. However, it does not make you an imposter. You’re coming equipped with everything you’ve learned and every part of you that you’ve developed so far. See that, embrace it, and stand on it! You have ‘leveled up’ and now need to grow into this next level. That takes time, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t qualified. Know that when you enter a new season or realize a new you, it’s new, so it will require some growing into, but don’t let that send you into an identity crisis. You’re not an imposter, you’re the real deal, so grow into this new level with confidence!

In the same way that the new you and your new season require growing into some things, it also usually includes a natural falling away of some things, like friendships, relationships, hobbies, etc. It happens. If the old you chose those things, people, activities, etc. or you chose them in/based on previous seasons, they may or may not align with the new you or your new season, and that’s okay. This isn’t a “the price has gone up” type conversation (lol @ those posts), but rather a conversation about alignment. While I don’t believe in cutting everybody off every five seconds, I do know that there is often a natural growing apart that can happen, specifically in friendships and I believe happens for many different reasons.

Growing Apart in Friendships.

One, as you grow, your interests, values, convictions, hobbies, etc. tend to develop and change, especially as you grow in the things of God and commit to submitting to His will for your life. Coming “out of the world” and “into Kingdom” can (and will) produce drastic changes in you and your life, so if your friends aren’t on a similar journey (and sometimes, even if they are), you will likely grow apart. This is not because you’re better or anything like that, because that’s prideful thinking. However, it’s natural to expect that if you built a friendship based on certain things, and those certain things are no longer a part of your life, unless new common ground is developed, there isn’t much left other than love and memories—and as great as those are, they don’t actually constitute grounds for a solid friendship. I think sometimes, we can conflate loyalty for friendship. There should be loyalty within a friendship, but loyalty alone does not constitute grounds for maintaining a friendship. For (a very basic) example, let’s say you built a friendship with someone based on your love for trying new steakhouses—I told y’all this example would be basic, but go along with me here. Lol. Well, you’re now a vegetarian and find that now, you and that friend don’t have much in common anymore. There will naturally be a growing apart that happens if the friendship wasn’t solidified based on other factors that are actually still a part of both of your lives. And sometimes, you may even find that it’s not just one or two things that have changed, but literally, your whole life has changed and you’re a completely different person, and now, y’all just don’t relate at all. That’s okay, too. It happens over time, especially with those who were seasonal companions, and not ordained for lifetime bonds.

That brings me to reason number two: if we were unhealed when we chose these friendships or simply lacked a revelation of who we are and who God has destined us to be, we may not have selected our friends wisely (or even actually “selected” them at all). As you begin to heal and/or come into knowledge of who you really are, you may find that your “picker” was off. 😬 This will also cause a natural growing apart, because you formed these bonds erroneously. This includes, but is not limited to, trauma bonds, one-sided friendships, friendships that you never vetted to begin with, unhealthy or toxic friendships, or even ones where you actually never had anything in common. As you step into the true you, and even more specifically for this example, as you heal and develop in wholeness, you may find that certain friendships can’t stay, because they never truly belonged in the first place.

Last reason I’ll mention is situational friendships. These are friendships that were built on things like proximity—you worked or went to school together, you were on a team together, went to the same church, etc. When the “situation” changes, these will grow apart for obvious reasons if the friendship wasn’t solidified further on a firmer foundation.

I’m sure there are many more reasons why this growing apart in friendships happens, but I’ll leave you with those. I don’t really have the answer for how to navigate the process of growing apart from friends, because to be honest, I’m still navigating that myself, but I do think it will be different in each case. The few things I will suggest are…

1. Understand that as uncomfortable or sad as it may be, this is a normal part of life and growth.

2. Know that growing apart does not diminish the value of what once was, nor does it diminish the love and care that is likely still there.

3. Ask God for guidance on which friendships you should maintain and which you should allow to fizzle out (or even intentionally end).

4. Nurture and grow with the friendships God says are meant to be in your life, but don’t try to force outdated friendships based on loyalty or longevity. (Refer back to #2)

5. Take time to grieve the breakdown of friendships you cherish(ed) if needed. Just because the alignment isn’t there anymore doesn’t mean it won’t still hurt to let go.

6. Ask God for guidance and key qualifiers in choosing new friendships and alliances. Also ask Him to help you grow and develop as a friend, so you’re equipped for these new friendships—it may require doing friendship differently.

7. When the time is right, intentionally make space in your heart and in your life for new, God-ordained friendships to develop.

Whew, this got a little longer than planned, but I pray this helps whoever needs it.

In conclusion, when you enter a new season, or become a new person, embrace it fully.

This will likely require asking God to open your eyes to how He sees you and what He says about your season, but this is necessary to navigate with confidence and authority, and to steward the season well. Know that it is NEW, so there will likely be some discomfort and stretching, but it is only because you’ve stepped into new territory. You may feel like you are starting over, because in many ways you are, but you are not starting from scratch. Your former ceiling has now become the ground of your next level.

Say it with me:

You have changed. Your season has changed.

Remind yourself as much as you need to until it sticks, “You are not ‘her’ anymore!”

And begin to walk into the ‘her’ you are today with confidence.

Love you bunches 💕